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26 August 2009 @ 01:06 pm
Interview tomorrow... I feel like I should be more excited than I am.  I can't believe I'm thinking about being picky when I'm making little more than minimum wage.  
25 May 2009 @ 01:03 am
i had a fantastic talk with jenn and terry tonight after we went out walking and watched the movie memento.  we were trying to sort through everything that had happened in the movie and got into some tangent about how we form and more importantly, KEEP, memories. 

it's strange how we want to remember some pieces of our life, yet can't always do so, while we remember others with a fierce vividness, though the memory itself is flawed or contrived.  i'm so afraid to lose those last little bits of my memories of my grandpa, but in all reality, most of those memories are a direct result of hearing the same stories hundreds of times, not something that i would have remembered of my own volition.  conversely, there are some things that i'd love to forget, but can't seem to shake. 

terry had this interesting analogy in which he was comparing the lifetime of a memory to a day... the longer you have a memory, the more it progresses throughout the day, and as it hits night, it starts to fade into the darkness.  that is, unless you do something that lights up that memory, like telling the story over and over again.  if you're recounting the memory, it's like shining a flashlight on it... you don't necessarily remember the events that led up to or followed it, but you're not likely to forget the pieces you're retelling. 

hmmm.  anyway.  i'm just finding it interesting, especially as i find myself getting more forgetful, and wonder if the retelling or recording of things is really enough to cement something in my brain. 
06 February 2009 @ 03:23 pm
that it's a million times harder to tell someone who you're really close to when something's wrong or you're not cool with their behavior/decisions than someone you hardly know?  or this problem just mine? 
04 February 2009 @ 08:50 pm
I. Am. Stoked.  I've finally got a sub job.  Sure it's only one day, but it's a start. 
30 January 2009 @ 12:36 am
can't seem to stop worrying about molls and whether or not she's going to be alright.  apparently they've sent her home now, but with a heart monitor that has to be checked every other day.  really makes me wish i was there to take care of her.  it's really hard to focus on life when you're worried about someone you love.
27 October 2008 @ 02:50 pm
won't stop aching.  it's been almost a week, nonstop, of this.  hopefully acupuncture will work, b/c i'm about to the point where i'd agree to give up my first born to make this go away... that is if there was any potential for that scenario to even work. =)
21 October 2008 @ 03:16 pm
yesterday i was walking to work, sulking a bit because i didn't want to be on my way to another unfufulling, minimum wage job, that i don't particularly care for, when i had a realization.

as i tromped through a big pile of leaves and it started to rain, i couldn't help but think about how close i am.  i never really thought about it this way before, but when i left iowa, i took a deep breath, and started waiting.  waiting for things to happen, and fall into place, waiting for things to be perfect.  the reality is though, obviously, that waiting isn't really going to do me any good.  i've got to get those last few pieces into place myself, and breathe a sigh of relief, because it's not going to happen by itself. 
24 September 2008 @ 04:05 pm
It's finally starting to feel like autumn, and I couldn't be happier.  Yesterday, I wore a hat for the first time, could see my breath in the morning sun as I walked to work, got to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine while I read my book, made a blackberry apple crisp with some berries from our backyard, and came home and found the animals hanging out on my bed, so I cuddled up with Ellie and Fingers for the night.  The only downfall... work forced me to cram all that into just a few hours.  
10 August 2008 @ 08:46 am
1. a way to make a little more time for myself each day,
2. why boys are so complicated, and
3. if it's possible for my bus to be on time.   
11 July 2008 @ 11:00 pm
 the last few weeks have been incredibly stressful.  between mom's surgery, the move, and realizing how difficult it is to move across the country with no job and no money, i've been pretty much stretched to the limit.  i've broken down to tears multiple times and been on the verge of snapping a few as well.  
despite all that stress though, there's been an amazing shift since i got here.  i can't attribute it to one thing, but a lot of things about portland have made me feel a lot more at peace than i have lately... none of the things that were stressing me out have really changed, but i've suddenly started worrying a whole lot less about it.  since the move, i've gone on at least one walk every day.  some days it's been a mile, others it's been eight or nine.  i've read a lot more than i have in awhile.  i've reconnected with two or three people that i haven't had the chance to talk to in quite some time.  i've made friends with some really amazing people, who even after a week, i know i could count on.  it's been absolutely wonderful.  all of these things... and more, are making me feel more at home than i have in a long time.